It's Not a Competition!
I've wanted to write a post to address this topic for a long time, but at the risk of sounding negative, I held off a bit. As much as I try to focus on positive experiences -- sometimes I get frustrated with things. In all honesty, I feel like this needs to be addressed.
Why does it feel like there is constantly a competition between moms?? Seriously. Why does it matter if you have had a C-section or vaginal birth; or if you bottle fed or breast fed your child (and for how long)? Why force your child to crawl, walk, or talk?? What's the rush? Last time I checked, I wanted to savor every minute with Caden and Conor. They grow up so darn quickly on their own, why rush through it even faster?
Every child is different and every parenting style is different -- there's no right or wrong. So why is there so much competition...and pressure....and stress? In my opinion, I feel it's because every mom struggles. That's what it comes down to. No one knows what they're doing, no one has all the answers, and no one is an expert. We all have to figure it out on our own. And quite frankly, we are all stressed out and exhausted sometimes. Therefore, when we excel at something, we feel the need to tell the world (and rightfully so! You go Mama!!). But at the same time of your progress and success through a rough milestone, realize another Mom could be right smack in the middle of it. Be positive, be encouraging, and be helpful. Please do NOT immediately tell them how wonderful you and your child are, that your child went through something with ease, and that you are the perfect parent. That is not helpful.
Every child is different and every parenting style is different -- there's no right or wrong. So why is there so much competition...and pressure....and stress? In my opinion, I feel it's because every mom struggles. That's what it comes down to. No one knows what they're doing, no one has all the answers, and no one is an expert. We all have to figure it out on our own. And quite frankly, we are all stressed out and exhausted sometimes. Therefore, when we excel at something, we feel the need to tell the world (and rightfully so! You go Mama!!). But at the same time of your progress and success through a rough milestone, realize another Mom could be right smack in the middle of it. Be positive, be encouraging, and be helpful. Please do NOT immediately tell them how wonderful you and your child are, that your child went through something with ease, and that you are the perfect parent. That is not helpful.
I will tell you the reason (or well, reasons) for this blog post. Almost every time I meet another twin mom while running an errand, one of the first questions they ask is if they're identical or fraternal. Ok fine. That is a completely understandable and logical and non-invasive question. However, a quick follow up question is typically how long I carried them, their weights, and if I was able to nurse them...and for how long (and sometimes they ask if it was in the "cross cradle" nursing position...SERIOUSLY!?).
Weirdly, without even waiting for a response, they throw their personal information at me...as if I was the one that asked them the questions. For example, the other day, I went to Trader Joe's in the Cape and a woman gave Conor and Caden a double-take. When she saw them, she asked if they were twins. I of course said yes and that they were 16 months old. She said she had seven-year-old twins and she nursed them for two years. That's the first bit of information she gave me! Not her name, not their names, just that they were nursed for the first two years of their lives. Isn't that kind of weird? I mean, it's lovely to talk and share stories with other Moms, but really??? How about "hello my name is......" first. Do you agree??
In other news...our Cape house finally has grass! Here's a current pic of the house / front yard with our hydrangeas we transplanted from Jim's Grampa Phelan.
Weirdly, without even waiting for a response, they throw their personal information at me...as if I was the one that asked them the questions. For example, the other day, I went to Trader Joe's in the Cape and a woman gave Conor and Caden a double-take. When she saw them, she asked if they were twins. I of course said yes and that they were 16 months old. She said she had seven-year-old twins and she nursed them for two years. That's the first bit of information she gave me! Not her name, not their names, just that they were nursed for the first two years of their lives. Isn't that kind of weird? I mean, it's lovely to talk and share stories with other Moms, but really??? How about "hello my name is......" first. Do you agree??
In other news...our Cape house finally has grass! Here's a current pic of the house / front yard with our hydrangeas we transplanted from Jim's Grampa Phelan.
And flashback pic to 2011....with Z and my Mom! We had 8 trees cut down in the front a few years ago. From doing so, our front "yard" was a big sand and dirt pit.
All for now...thanks for listening to that. I feel better! :)
xo,
Shaz
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