"Real Life" Pics

Quite often, this is what life is like at my house. It is hectic, crazy, loud, and I have a lot of mom guilt....maybe it's twin mom guilt. I'm not sure.

I have been telling my friends and family about this a lot lately and I don't know why this is suddenly bothering me so much - but it is. It's hard to explain but basically I feel like I don't have enough of ME to give to Caden and Conor. Does that even make sense??? I mean, 50% of the time they are happy and independent and playing...and mostly playing together. However, the other 50% of the time, they are both trying to get my attention, or get picked up, or ask me for something. And often I don't even know what they are asking. Maybe it's the lack of communication and their lack of speech (which has improved, I must say) but there is some disconnect sometimes. Maybe it's also they are approaching -- or in -- the terrible twos right now. Or maybe it's because I'm pregnant and exhausted. I can't tell. But for whatever reason, I feel like they need more of me, and sadly there just isn't enough to give. 

I know they don't know any different than being a twin and sharing a mom from the first seconds of their lives...but some days, I feel bad for them. I feel bad that they don't really ever get alone time. They don't get my attention to themselves. I don't get to pay attention to their specific interests or their development. Then I shake it off and think "Shaz, they have this womb-mate, best buddy, life-long partner forever...don't feel bad. They are LUCKY". Right? Am I really right though? Or am I just trying to convince myself?

Anyway, whatever the case may be, I often feel sad that they don't have enough Mama time -- yet other days I can't stop thinking about how darn lucky these two little boys are. They really are the happiest, cutest little partners in crime. Then I think about how lucky I am, and I need to relax.

I also think about how I might need to invest in some furniture...?

Each day and night, they play together. They jump from toy to toy and from activity to activity and play together. It's really adorable and warms my heart. Conor holds that little red block and says "Square?!" It's adorable. His vocabulary is really taking off. As for Caden, he signs a lot more and communicates in his own way. Additionally, he was also diagnosed with intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR) at about 33 weeks. They said he was about 4 lbs and probably wouldn't grow much more and that "his placenta wasn't functioning as well as Conor's was". I'm still not 100% sure what all that means, other than he was and is still a little smaller than Con.

He is doing fabulous -- and catching right up size wise. However, the reason for that rant above is that due to him being growth restricted for a little over a month while still in the womb, he tends to follow what Conor does after a month. Therefore, he will probably increase his vocab in the next month or two. He is also much more agile than Conor. He can climb, run, walk, and crawl real quickly and efficiently. So to me, I think Conor is focused on speech development, and Caden is more focused on gross motor skills. It's all very fascinating to see the comparisons, especially with them looking and acting so similar; they're very different people!

While they have all the same interests...Caden is more interested in cars, and Conor is slightly more interested in blocks and balls. And he says the words "square, ball, etc" when holding those items. They also LOVE their bikes.

And we both love to climb. :)

They both mimic what I do lately, too. It's really funny. Caden's new thing is "ummm" (which Conor did a couple months ago, constantly). He puts his little finger to his chin/mouth and says "ummm" like he's really contemplating something. Here's a picture of me pointing to my mouth and saying "ummm" and him doing the same. 

And here, Conor gave me a yellow ring and I put it on my wrist. He followed and did the same thing with his ring. I also spun it like a steering wheel, and he did. And then I put it on my head and he did it too. It's really fun.

All for now...



  1. I love this post! Thanks for being brave and sharing the parts of mothering people are afraid to talk about :) Caden and Conor are lucky to have you!

  2. Dear Shaz, congrats on your new pregnancy! I'm really excited for you & James!! And regarding mom guilt: I don't know any mom who hasn't had mom guilt, even the stay at homies. You are doing the best you can, and that alone is being a great model for your kids. Please take care of yourself. They know you love them. They will grow up to be happy & well adjusted kids.

    Welcome to the 3's club!


  3. Thanks Christina! Some days are harder than others and I thought I would show some of the hard days. Terrible twos approaching...times two!

  4. Diane - so good to hear from you!! How are you? Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. It's nice when other moms know how I'm feeling - sometimes totally overwhelmed and clueless haha. Congrats on your newest addition!! So much has changed since I last saw you in LA! Hope all is well. xo


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cals Feb Vacation journal

This is What Miscarriage Looks Like…

Cadens Feb Vacation journal